He claims to be a protege of Remi Gaillard, but I can guarantee you'd want to fill his butthole up with dynamite long before the Frenchman if he did this shit to you.

The sounds she emits may be the standard for a Japanese slaughterhouse, but they're definitely a tad out of place here. Not sure if I'd go harder or gag her.

Just in case watching Oprah has done nothing for your tolerance of women, this is a very simple way to get her to shut the hell up.

Dude totally did that on purpose. I know, because I'm a dude.

That's strange. Usually getting run over by a 3,000 lb vehicle is completely unprovoked in Russia.

Hope that taught him a lesson. About picking on guys smaller than him, and dressing like a 1940's homosexual.

Driving without crashing into a wall is overrated anyway. That's what my Chinese ex-girlfriend used to say.

Until I see an ad to be Tila Tequila's underwear on Craigslist, this bitch just climbed to the top of the list of shit I will never do.

I have the weirdest, most educated boner right now.

Dentures before you own a 4-wheeled vehicle? Good luck explaining that to the prostitute you lose your virginity to.

Who said chivalry is dead?

Giving your friends a Sudanese vasectomy isn't recommended. But if you must do it, make sure it's on video.

Darwin: Just a yellow card? What do you have to do for the red card. Get a knife and start slicing?

One less foreign news girl that makes the majority of my ex-girlfriends look like shit. It may be a good thing.

Well that sucked. And sucked. And sucked again.

Don't worry. He survived and will be back to calling you an anal fisting monkey faggot on Xbox Live in no time.

That looks like it sucks. But a night of drinking that doesn't end in unplanned pregnancy is still pretty a-okay in my book.

The slower they are, the easier it is to tattoo a Nike logo to their forehead.