Friday, September 12th, 2008
Finally someone has put grad school and prostitution in the same box. I finally have a chance.
Apparently a bleeding ass and minor concussion is worth holding onto a tampon and 10 credit cards full of maxed out debt.
If I had to hear that song in it's entirety I would want my skull to be kicked in too.
Bitch, if it didn't work when your friends drunk uncle wanted to show you 'something' in his trailer, why do you think it's going to work now?
Thursday, September 11th, 2008
When you can still snag a couple hundo on eBay for slight burned rims, you don't just let that shit go.
The only dance of death I ever took part in was prom night with Julia Evans, the only 17 year old with the clap.
Windmilling works at least 1% of the time you know.
Luckily there were 800 penguins in the area to save what was left of them.
Great, now how is he going to hold that fish eye camera lens for all of his friends?
You'd think Jared would fly in there on a segway or something for occasions like this.
Not everyone can pull off the cool motorcycle jacket look. He was just jealous.
If chicks want to start their own backyard fight club then I demand to see a video of one beating herself up for 15 minutes first.
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
Dropping the toaster in there was a little over the edge but turning his shaft into a mini lightning rod was just enough.
At least we finally know a humane way to take care of hippies. Spread the word.
There's a M.C. Hammer joke in here somewhere, but I think he's suffered enough. Not as much as the guy on the other end of this attack though.
If he tells you 2 + 2 = chair, then it's best to just nod and go along with it rather then tell him he's wrong.
It's amazing how many ailments show up when a cop is nearby. I prefer the "I have fourteen different kinds of herpes, including the Paris Hilton strain which is actually airborne now so I suggest leaving me alone".
Now I don't feel so bad about filling my bathtub with 12 gauge slugs for the zombie apocalypse. It's finally happening.
He really should have dropped the dry cleaning ticket rule with them.
Just ask him if he's alright another 35 times, that should stop his brain from leaking out.
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
Honestly, the only thing that surprises me is that this diseased animal doesn't sling her own shit as a form of communication yet.
Turns out all the things he learned in You Got Served were absolutely useless.
I guess as long as there is no camera around to film it, the lion will be able to keep some street cred. Oh. Fuck.
He knew that just one more white Mr. T joke was going to push the limits, but he went for it anyway.
Because only the hardest thugs have perfectly trimmed yards and beautifully aligned tapestry. Nigga.
Being a redneck and having three days off from your job at the potato chip factory can prove productive sometimes.
Good thing the cameraman threatened someones life in front of a cop, and on tape too.
Considering this is an Oasis show, every 60 lb kid in the front row probably couldn't hold him up so I bet that hurt.
Monday, September 8th, 2008
The Iceman needs some ice. I know, I'm a fucking comedian.
I bet all his sponsors are going to love this video.
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