Friday, September 12th, 2008
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Finally someone has put grad school and prostitution in the same box. I finally have a chance.
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Apparently a bleeding ass and minor concussion is worth holding onto a tampon and 10 credit cards full of maxed out debt.
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If I had to hear that song in it's entirety I would want my skull to be kicked in too.
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Bitch, if it didn't work when your friends drunk uncle wanted to show you 'something' in his trailer, why do you think it's going to work now?
Thursday, September 11th, 2008
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When you can still snag a couple hundo on eBay for slight burned rims, you don't just let that shit go.
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The only dance of death I ever took part in was prom night with Julia Evans, the only 17 year old with the clap.
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Windmilling works at least 1% of the time you know.
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Luckily there were 800 penguins in the area to save what was left of them.
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Great, now how is he going to hold that fish eye camera lens for all of his friends?
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You'd think Jared would fly in there on a segway or something for occasions like this.
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Not everyone can pull off the cool motorcycle jacket look. He was just jealous.
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If chicks want to start their own backyard fight club then I demand to see a video of one beating herself up for 15 minutes first.
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
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Dropping the toaster in there was a little over the edge but turning his shaft into a mini lightning rod was just enough.
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At least we finally know a humane way to take care of hippies. Spread the word.
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There's a M.C. Hammer joke in here somewhere, but I think he's suffered enough. Not as much as the guy on the other end of this attack though.
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If he tells you 2 + 2 = chair, then it's best to just nod and go along with it rather then tell him he's wrong.
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It's amazing how many ailments show up when a cop is nearby. I prefer the "I have fourteen different kinds of herpes, including the Paris Hilton strain which is actually airborne now so I suggest leaving me alone".
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Now I don't feel so bad about filling my bathtub with 12 gauge slugs for the zombie apocalypse. It's finally happening.
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He really should have dropped the dry cleaning ticket rule with them.
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Just ask him if he's alright another 35 times, that should stop his brain from leaking out.
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
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Honestly, the only thing that surprises me is that this diseased animal doesn't sling her own shit as a form of communication yet.
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Turns out all the things he learned in You Got Served were absolutely useless.
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I guess as long as there is no camera around to film it, the lion will be able to keep some street cred. Oh. Fuck.
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He knew that just one more white Mr. T joke was going to push the limits, but he went for it anyway.
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Because only the hardest thugs have perfectly trimmed yards and beautifully aligned tapestry. Nigga.
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Being a redneck and having three days off from your job at the potato chip factory can prove productive sometimes.
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Good thing the cameraman threatened someones life in front of a cop, and on tape too.
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Considering this is an Oasis show, every 60 lb kid in the front row probably couldn't hold him up so I bet that hurt.
Monday, September 8th, 2008
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The Iceman needs some ice. I know, I'm a fucking comedian.
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I bet all his sponsors are going to love this video.
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