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Apr 30th

Iran bans the mullet. Launch the Tomahawks
TEHRAN, Iran (Reuters) -- Iranian police have warned barbers against offering Western-style hair cuts or plucking the eyebrows of their male customers, Iranian media said Sunday.

Apr 27th

Jobless claims drop sharply, though most were contained in White House emails
WASHINGTON � The number of laid-off workers filing claims for unemployment benefits fell last week by the sharpest amount in nearly two months, indicating the labor market remains healthy despite the sluggish economy.

Shrek blasted for dietary hypocrisy
NEW YORK � A children's advocacy group wants the Department of Health and Human Services to oust Shrek, the animated ogre, from his role as spokesman for an anti-obesity drive.

Official Democratic Debate discussion thread. Drink every time an unknown tries to grab some limelight
ORANGEBURG, S.C. (AP) � Democratic presidential candidates criticized President Bush over the Iraq war Thursday night in the first debate of the 2008 campaign, and urged him to reconsider his threat to veto legislation passed earlier in the day to begin withdrawing U.S. troops.

Not news: Cops botch a drug raid. News: Raid on 92 year old woman, who shot at them before being killed. Fark: Cops fired 39 shots, hit the woman 6 times, and shot themselves a few times for good measure
ATLANTA - Two police officers pleaded guilty Thursday to manslaughter in the shooting death of a 92-year-old woman during a botched drug raid last fall. A third officer still faces charges. Officer J.R. Smith told a state judge Thursday that he regretted what had happened.

Two companies and two almond plantation workers charged over killing more than 40 rare parrots after it was determined that they weren't just resting
TWO companies and two almond plantation workers have been charged over the shooting of more than 40 rare parrots in Victoria's northwest late last year.

Profile of one of America's last typewriter repairmen. Typewriter? Apparently, it's some sort of manual keyboard/printer/display combo thingie
New haven, conn. - Manson Whitlock peers into the typewriter on the table. It's a big avocado-green IBM Selectric from the '60s. Something is jammed and pieces are scattered around the machine. Eventually, he finds what he's looking for � a screw has fallen in, causing the type mechanism to stick. Out goes the screw. Using a spring-hook, an implement that looks like it could come from a dentist's office, he reassembles the typewriter � plastic cover plates, the metal paper tray that directs paper onto the main roller, and the cylindrical rubber platen itself. Then he taps some keys, examining how each letter moves.

Apr 26th

Lightning blamed for fire at church. No one apparently wants to blame the wrath of an angry God
A lightning strike was suspected of sparking a fire that destroyed a church building early Wednesday on the city's Southwest Side.

World renowned cat expert killed when his motorcycle swerves off the road and crashes. Since you're reading this on Fark, you probably already know what he was swerving to avoid
ITHACA, N.Y. (AP) _ Renowned Cornell University cat veterinarian James Richards _ who was injured when he crashed his motorcycle trying to avoid a cat in the road _ has died, the university said Wednesday. He was 58.

Student to graduate college in shorter period than it takes most students to sober up from orientation week
BLOOMFIELD HILLS, Mich. � A 19-year-old suburban-Detroit resident is on track to graduate from The University of Michigan after just a year of study.

Little girl receives condom in Happy Meal, that's not what she meant by "hold the pickle"
IT may be called a Happy Meal, but a seven-year-old girl whose free toy in her McDonald's meal turned out to be a condom would probably not get a lot of fun out of it.

Potency of marijuana continues to increase every year
A project at the University of Mississippi has tested samples of marijuana seized by law enforcement agents annually since the late 1970s to check levels of THC, the active ingredient. The testing has long been the basis for government warnings that marijuana is potentially more harmful today than it was for previous generations, an assertion disputed by critics of marijuana laws.

Egyptian doctor says Muslims need to get laid
CAIRO, Egypt (CNN) -- Dr. Heba Kotb is tackling a taboo in the Arab world unlike anyone else: She's talking about sex openly on a show broadcast all over the Middle East.

Apr 25th

Ken Griffey Jr.'s injury for April 2007 is...spins wheel...an inflamed pooper
CINCINNATI (AP) -- Ken Griffey Jr. was expected back in the Cincinnati Reds' lineup Tuesday after recovering from diverticulitis.

Remember the guy who won $1 million in the lottery, but didn't get it because he had cancer? Well, the NY state lottery office would like you to forget about him
NAPLES, N.Y. The upstate man who hit a (m) million-dollar state lottery jackpot a month after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer has died.

Pregnant cow runs amok across German city
A pregnant cow being chased by police and firefighters caused more than $41,000 of damage on a three-hour rampage through the German city of Hanover.

Your 81-year-old grandmother won't cook you lunch? That's a stabbing
A TEENAGER stabbed to death his 81-year-old grandmother after she refused to cook him lunch, a Queensland court was told yesterday.

A worker at a boat-building firm caught trying to steal a luxury yacht, one piece at a time over a period of 7 years
A WORKER at a UK boat-building firm has been caught trying to steal a luxury yacht one piece at a time.

Four Queen's Guards get drunk, film themselves spanking each other while naked. The Sun is there. With a link to the video (article not safe for work)
DRUNK Scots Guards stripped off to put on an X-rated display in just their world-famous bearskins and tunics for a shocking home video.

Apr 24th

An intercontinental vacation getaway filled with exotic locales, great food, impressive landscapes and sex with young females
SHANGHAI, China (Reuters) -- A South China tiger, one of fewer than 100 in existence, took off from a Shanghai airport on Monday for a romantic mission to Africa that might help save the species.

Doctor dressed as Captain America arrested with burrito in tights after asking girl to touch it (with photos, video)
MELBOURNE, Fla. -- A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly did at the police station got him into more trouble.

Jersey governor in car accident will govern the state via video from his hospital bed. Names Max Headroom as his new Chief of Staff
(CBS/AP) NEWARK Aides to critically injured Gov. Jon S. Corzine are making preparations for him to run the government, at least in part, from his hospital bed.

U.S. Figure Skating Association realizes that no one will pay them for the rights to broadcast the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, so they give the rights to NBC for the next three years... for free
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The U.S. Figure Skating Championships are headed to NBC in a deal that involves no rights fees for the national governing body.

NYC bans aluminum bats, says wooden ones are just as good for threatening other motorists
NEW YORK (AP) - Metal bats will be banned in high school baseball starting this September in the nation's largest school system after the City Council on Monday overrode a mayoral veto of the bill.

Consumer-electronics chain stores are in a "meltdown" with widespread layoffs and store closings. And it's all because of a one-day TV sale at Wal-Mart last November
Last "Black Friday," for its annual post-Thanksgiving sales blitz, Wal-Mart Stores decided to slash the price of one of the hottest electronics items for the holidays�the 42-inch flat-panel TV�to $988. The world's largest retailer had staked similarly audacious positions before, in numerous product categories, as part of its quest to remain U.S. retailing's "low-price leader." In turn, Wal-Mart's move caused a freefall in prices of flat-panel televisions at hundreds of retailers � to the glee of many people who were then able to afford their first big-screen plasma or liquid-crystal-display model.

Apr 23rd

The wild female Amur leopard population is reduced 14 percent as hunters shoot one in the ass and then club it to death. In their defense however, it was "coming right for them"
MOSCOW (Reuters) - Hunters in Russia's Far East have shot and killed one of the last seven surviving female Amur leopards living in the wild, WWF said on Monday, driving the species even closer to extinction.

Apr 10th

XM and Sirius to merge. What will their offspring be called? (voting enabled)
NEW YORK � The vision of a robustly competitive satellite radio business came crashing to Earth on Monday, as the industry's once bitter rivals � Sirius (SIRI) and XM Satellite Radio (XMSR)� agreed to merge, creating a company valued at $13 billion, including $1.6 billion in debt.

Mar 26th

Teenager killed by hit-and-run driver at same spot where his friend died in accident just hours earlier
WEST WARWICK, R.I. -- A teenager was killed by a hit-and-run driver at the same spot where his 14-year-old friend had died in a car crash just hours earlier.

Mar 19th

Truck driver given wrong directions by gas jockey hits six cars, two trees and one wall, causing �20,000 in damage. Remember this story the next time your wife is nagging you to stop the car and ask someone
A Belgian lorry driver smashed into six cars, causing �20,000 worth of damage, after becoming lost and being given the wrong directions by a garage attendant.

Middle-Earth is oozing mud (with pic)
A massive volcano crater lake has burst its banks, sending a huge mudflow down the slopes of New Zealand's Mount Ruapehu.

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